2002-01-31 - 12:47 a.m.
Today I feel: Tired and Sad
Today is the first time since jan. 01 of this year that I have actually wanted a drink. Man, this totally sucks. I WILL NOT DRINK. The hell I'll go through tomorow is not worth it.
Well, Rose Red conclusion is on tonight, thats a happy thought. I really don't want to go to work, but at the same time I do. I need sleep, and then I know I'll feel better about the entire world.
My eloquent friend Shan just told me a good nugget of truth. To quote, she said "it sounds to me with all the trouble you had in the past, and now bein hung up on Lee again, you need to sort things out...and when u get sorted out, that's when you'll decided you're happy being single...and when you're happy being single is when a guy's gonna go, "Hey, babes...can i fuck up your life??" Damnit, I hate it when she states the truth.
Just for the record, To any of you who might be reading this, I am starting to enjoy my single freedom. As much as I seem to think of Lee as something I want again, it strikes me as being more of a safety measure than anything. I don't know if I am actually still in Love/lust of him, or if its just my brain telling me to go after something I know, something safe. He does have a cute ass tho.
All in all, I have come to a major revelation. I don't think there is a somebody for me right now. I think this is destiny kicking my head in and saying that I am meant to be on my own for now. And you know what, I think Im ok with that. Sure I miss things about having a "Significant" other, Lots of things. But its ok. Someday, that person will come along, who calls me beautiful instead of cute, and I'll be happy again.
For now, Im just trying to be happy with myself. And its starting to work.
