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09.18.03 - 09:59

Today I feel: Really really alive and kicking, but I feel a little sad.

Music of the moment: Bjork and the Sugarcubes - Fucking in rhythm and sorrow.

Something: Wow, I think I might earn myself another A in math today.

I just spent close to 3 hours studying and studying for my math test that I have in 40 minutes, and the fun part is.... I think I am actually ready for it. yay!!! So here's hoping.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty decent today. But I am kinda sad, and it is for a purely superficial and selfish reason. My birthday is in a week, and it is already not gonna go the way I wish it would. Waylon has to work, so I can't even see him until fekkin 6:30 pm. My mom has to work, and so I won't get to see her, and no one else wants to do anything. Its a week away and already I am bummed. Waylon says he has plans for me, anyhow, and he wont tell me what they are, and so at least during the last part of the day someone will care about me. All I know is that he is taking me out to dinner, and apparently there is more to that. I just hope that he gets it together this year, unlike last year, which fell apart.

All I can think about is that Jaime, Waylon's roomate had a huge bash for her birthday, and Im probably gonna get something smaller and less involved. This is where the petty superficial bit comes in. The selfish part is in there too, cause I want something as big if not bigger than what Jaimie got.

Sigh. I just want to be totally pampered on my birthday for once. Thats all, and not a lot to ask for I might add. Ever since I started dating, I haven't had a really good birthday yet, except when Waylon came along for the 21st b-day bash my mom threw me.

With Lee, he refused to come and see me on my 19th birthday cause he was too tired. I was out with my fried Rachel at the time, at the mall, and I just sat there and cried, until she got me to cheer up and then we got Ice cream, and I felt marginally better.

With Dan, He didn't last through to my birthday. He dumped me the first day of September.

With Riff, Psycho, and Aric*, while none of them at any time were dating me, they weren't around long enough to be there for my birthday, except Psycho. Who took me to the Pledge of Alegance concert, where he proceeded to pick up on 2 underage girls and fuck one of them. Thats what you get when you are just fucking someone.

And then Waylon, who was around for my 21st birthday, we had a blast with my mom at the bar, and now for my 22nd birthday. I just hope he does something special enough to make me feel like this has been worth it. Its been hard lately, with him trying to promote his movie, and having little to no time for me. And I spoiled him for his birthday, so we'll see. I just want a problem free fun day, thats all.

Oh yeah, and it has to be all about me.

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