12.26.02 - 14:06
Today I feel: Crampy and Lazy
Music of the moment: Red Elvises - Everybody Disco
Something: Am I the only one who irons their dollar bills so they go in bart machines easier?
So its the day after christmas, and I feel pretty good, except the crimson wave came and beat me in my sleep. So im a little irratable, crampy, and mucho lazy. And yesterday was horrible for a little while, but today made up for it. I even got along with my mom, we watched texas justice together in her bed today. That was nice, I haven't done that since my father died. It was an honorary good start, me and her both in horridly homely nightgowns from my ultra conservative aunt (but they were uber warm) under the covers, and watching judge larry joe rule over the morons.
But yesterday, oh, were my emotions rampant. Waylon was 2 hours late, and I started crying, cause I was sure he wasn't gonna come. So he finally gets here, and im so pissed off at him, so I make him open the present that I wrapped in duct tape and celophane tape, took him an hour to open, with help. So my mood is ruined, but quickly picks up when I start to open my stuff. My mom bought me clothes, and it didn't turn out like most parent clothes shopping adventures turn out, these clothes fit, and didn't suck at all. I was so happy that I cried again. And continued to be happy until I went to go try the stuff on. The shirts were all that new "hippy" loose style, without the hippy influence, and so they were big, and made me feel big, which was not good. Waylon couldn't figure out why I was so unhappy, and I told him that I felt like a cow in a tutu. He was confused, so I explained that a cow in a tutu may be pretty, but its still a cow. I felt like a cow in the pretty clothes. He told me I was full of crap, and that I looked beautiful. I did look pretty spifty. But he did say he could understand my feelings, because these clothes were very different from the clothes I would normally wear. But they are beautiful, and I love them, I just need to stop feeling like a cow.
I've gained 20 lbs so far. which means now Im 2 lbs shy of 250 again. So I started going back to the gym, and ive already shed an inch on my waist. I figured rather than just be depressed about it, which I am, I would at least try to do something about it. I even talked to Waylon about it, well, so I asked him a trap question. I asked him if he would still be dating me if I was huge. He said, if I had been huge when he met me, he would not have been attracted to me at all, but now, he loves me, and loves my body, but if I was totally huge, which he added that I wasn't, he would be rapidly encouraging me to do something about it. I thanked him for his honesty, and left. At least he was honest, but damn.
Anyway, Natalie actually liked her gifts this year. She never likes what I get her, so I just shopped for whatever I thought I would like, and it worked. yay me.
I need to find clothes for work.
