08.21.02 - 09:00
Today I feel: Ambivolent
Music of the moment: 104.9
Something: I learned this morning that my mother actually thinks I am a sociopath, or at least I act like one, even though everything I do contradicts this. She also sucks at giving practical advice.
I had to complain about Waylon's living arrangements today, and my mom was the recieving end. She told me I had to cope. Thanks mom. Then I started talking about feelings, I should never have brought up such a topic with my mom. This is me hanging my head in shame at my stupidity When I told her that others shouldn't have control over the way I feel or don't feel, that I should feel what I want, screw the rest, she tried telling me I was sociopathic. Uh, no. There is a vast difference between being sociopathic and just having a bad day where you might vent on someone who is pissing you off. She started touting on about how "It is my responsibility to keep my emotions governed and make sure that I don't let them out around people." Excuse me? According to her, Im supposed to act as if everything is ok, no matter what or who. Its things like that, imo, that send people to therapy. And when I said that, she got all freaked out. She hates when I mention the T word, because she is so afraid that if I go see a therapist all I will do is complain how bad she is. And yeah, I will, cause she is a part of my life, but its not all about her. Besides, I don't want to hear psychobabble from someone who can't relate better to me than my mom can.
I really don't want to go to Waylon's pad today. I want to see him, but I don't want to see Ben and Jaime. I don't know ben much, but what I do know I don't like, and I don't know Jaime well either, but she's at least tolerable. Im just sitting here at the school's computer typing this in.
I spent the first 5 minutes I got on campus in the bathroom trying to calm down, my mom sure knows how to hit a hurtful blow sometimes. Then I turned on my tape player, cause I made a new tape last night, and the motor I guess died, so now its just a radio with extra stuff. Damnit.
Anyway, I need to stop writing about this all now. Im just having kind of a tough morning, and this is a little calming.
