03.14.02 - 20:39
Today I feel: Washed out, like the laundry I still need to do.
Music of the moment: Static X - Cold
And the horror goes on.....Not only did I find out all that lovely stuff yesterday, but I also forgot my Bio Lab manual, so I couldn't go to that, setting me effectivly further behind. Then, this morning, my mom continues her talk on the sons of one of her friends. I am so not hearing her anymore. I asked her 3 times to just drop it, and she kept going, so I don't know what to do.
Somehow, talking about how smart and motivated this guy is turned into an argument on why I cant be just like him. To which I answered,"Because, mother, you fucked up my life so much that I didn't even have a chance." before walking(running) to my room and slamming the door. Mature, yeah. Me and the three year old next door.
So, after a very silent drive to school, she tried talking, I resisted the urge to tell her to shut the fuck up, here I am, at Chabot. Oh, and the best part, according to my mother, he goes here too. yay. I cant even remember his name, thats how profound of an impact this all had on me.
Im usually fine for most of the day, but that 2 hours in the morning when my mother comes home to get ready for work, is hell for me. She does this 60 second parenting deal where she cramms a whole week of venting, complaining, and "why cant you live up to your potential?", and the ever popular "And here I was, thinking you had a brain.", and she thinks this is beneficial. As she was rattling off this morning about the boy she is trying to set me up with, shes all like " and he has a 3.68 grade point average..." I asked her what that mattered, and she told me "well, I thought you liked guys with brains?" She doesn't get it. If all a guy can do is rattle off sentences from a book, thats not intellegence, thats mass absorption. Ok, ok, im gonna stop ranting about this. Im even annoyed typing it.
I did this wild, manic cleaning of my house last night. Even did my closet for once in 5 years. I have shoes again, and I found what was left of my JD. Im saving that for a last resort day. Today was almost that day, but I saved it for tomorow, cause it will probably be worse. I hope not. But so yeah, my house is all clean, sort of, but I didn't touch the laundry at all. I need to do that.
Ive decided to do a "cast member" page of all the people Ive mentioned here. I might even put a picture up of myself, maybe. it would have to be a good picture day. Maybe if I cropped the head off my prom pick........nah, that still scares me too much.
Well, thought shall be put into this, oh yes, oh yes...
