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03.07.02 - 11:56

Today I feel: Soggy

Music of the moment: this is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, somepeople started singing it, not knowing what it was, and now they'll go on singing it because....

Dude, this computer (its a school one) sucks ass!! The screen is all blurry, and the keyboard is lagging. Oh well, They won't give me a new one, so I'll have to make due.

Im getting my axolotls today!! Im excited, but not excited enough, mainly due to the fact that I've got a major pain in my leg today. Its a dull ache in the thigh, and its annoying me to no end. I got the tank all set up and pretty, so they should be fine. I don't want to go to work today, but thats nothing new, but at least I like my job more than Amanda does hers. (Amanda is the girl who brought about the horrible end to the civility Dan and I were exhibiting) She hates her job right now, but then again, as she told me last night, everything in her life sucks ass right now. I asked her what I could do, if anything, and she asked me to drag her into the street and shoot her. I declined, surprisingly. Yep, my life is definately better than hers. And she's got the supportive family, a dicky but constant boyfriend, money, and a steady job, but ive got the better situation, because Im relatively happy with what Ive got. Of course I want the money, and the supportive family, and the wonderful boyfriend, but Im ok with the fact that I don't have these things, except for the money. Im bitter about that one..(hee hee)

My walkman batteries just died an awful death, damnit. Now, as im typing this, I have to listen not only to my typing, but the conversations of the butt wads around me. Oh well, the music in my head shall drown them out soon enough. Besides, as soon as im done up here in the computer lab, I can go buy another cheap set of batteries to get me through to next thursday. Take that evil battery killer!!

In my ever present search for new reading material, I have decided to finally swallow my guts and read Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar". I love her poetry, I love her style, I just never could make myself read her novel. Somethings are too dark even for me, but now I have decided to overcome this feeling and just to read it. Im on the third chapter allready, and I am engrossed.

I also got "Closet Case: a novel" for my after Plath reading. It looks to be an interesting work, dealing with one mans squeamishness about coming out of the closet to his workplace. The jacket insert alone made me check out this fictional work. Looks pretty good, and if its half as good as it looks, I'll check out the other book by Robert Rodi, "What happened to Princess Perfection?"

Sometimes I think I'll just walk away. leave everything behind that I've established, leave everyone I've met and established ties with behind. I have been, these past few weeks, a hermit of sorts, only venturing out for social interactions 2 times a week. Once on fridays with cliff, and once on sundays with the role play group. I wonder, if I stopped both of these completely, and didn't venture outside other than to get a necessity, or go to work and school, would I go mad,or would I thrive? I don't know. These are the questions I ask myself almost daily now, to which I both want to answer and don't. I think I would thrive. And in order to do so, I would essentially go back to the mental place I was at in elementary school, alone except for my books and my crafts. This frightens me, for those were miserable times, full of hatred and loathing, at the same time a wanting for what other kids had, social interactions. So, in that light, I don't believe I'll lock myself away just yet. Im locked enough away as it is.

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