2002-02-26 - 12:10 p.m.
Today I feel:
Music o'the moment: Mandy Moore - only hope (shut up)
I honestly don't know what Im doing with my life. Thats it, I just dont.
I would be content, for a time, to just work, and come home and sleep. I think. I know where I want to go, I know what I want to be, but Im beginning to think that I will never get there. Maybe I should just cease, maybe I should just keep plugging along until something magically happens. Maybe not. Todays diatribe is brought to you by the letter D, because without D, there would be no people telling you about Dan, and there would be no Diatribe. I'd just have to call it a rant. And diatribe is such a good 50 cent word, I'd hate to lose it.
Its at times like these that I try to reflect on why my life is like this, or better yet, why I feel my life is like this. Today, Im having brain failure. Im reflecting on how sorry I sound, and how pathetic I feel. Damn I suck.
I got in a fight with the resident FAT ASS at chabot college today. For some reason, he decided to try and make me feel worse about myself. I had surprises for him. He was trying to hug me (by way of greeting, right) and he knows I am not down with that, so I backed up and stuck out my hand, for a shake. He proceeded to make a ugly sexist comment, and started laughing when I got offended, trying to excuse it under the pretenses of he "was only kidding". I told him something along the lines of "Don't even think for a second that you have a high enough privelige to laugh at me and have me not get upset. We aren't even friends, although you sadly seem to think so. When you leave, I laugh at you, because only a bumbling idiot of your caliber and size would think that more than a sliver of the stuff eminating from your lips is clever, or even worth listning to. I think you are a grossly overweight jack ass, who because he finally got a girlfriend, thinks he's everyone's favorite guy. I personally don't like you, and put up with you only so that the level of drama stays down, and I would appreciate that you keep your asinine comments to yourself." I feel kinda bad, but not really. This had been coming for quite some time, but I could have done it a bit more tactifully I suppose. And yes, I do realize that I was a bit hypocritical when I called him an overweight jackass. I happen to be a bit on the heavy side, and I can most certainly be a bitch, but I have proven that myself, and two other people can fit into his pants. I get one leg, they take up the other. Oh well, at least I won't have to deal with him anymore. The single positive moment of the day so far. It has to get better.
One last thought. Once again, I find myself alone. All my friends are either dropping out, or transferring from chabot, im single, I see my mother once a week now, and the friendships I recently restored are not doing much. I am once again back to square one. All that work for nothing. Damn.
